Footy cards, disappointment and holding it all

The Kitchen Table - the place where I connect with my passion, my work, and my community.

All amongst the calm and the chaos of family life.

It's messy, it's imperfect and it's the daily realities of meeting my needs alongside my family.

Enjoy weekly stories, musings and anedotes of raising kids in emotionally attuned ways.

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I imagine this email arriving in amongst the fullness of life and whatever you are traversing in your world right now, I’m sending a bucket load of love and compassion, I think we could all do with some more of that.

My hope is that you can take a moment, (or come back when you feel a little more spacious), to sit, be still, take a deep inhale and let it out slowly.

I’m actually in the most serene kitchen table set up as I sit down to connect with you today.

I’m alone, I have a cup of herbal tea, incense burning nearby and relaxation music playing in the background.

The boys are (for now) playing contently outside. I can see them back and forth to the shed. They are playing “construction” which basically means they are slowly emptying the contents of my husband’s shed and taking it to their cubby area, and without doubt, when it falls apart, because nine times out of ten it does, (it only takes one to decide they’re done with the game), none of these items will be retuned!!

For now I breathe. It’s been a week of ups and downs.

I’m pretty sure that’s every week, but the level of emotional holding has felt particularly turbulent.

Here in Australia, Victoria we are in footy season. Not a die hard fan myself, however the boys have upped their interest levels this year, and I sense I am heading down the path of footy mum…

Footy cards were introduced last season, with not a huge amount of fan fare.

This year, different story.

The footy cards are a big deal, both having different teams they barrack for (which they came up with a few years ago based on the animals!) It now seems we've introduced them to gambling at the ripe old age of 5 & 7. A pack of footy cards contains 9, there are 18 teams. Mr 7 who cares more deeply about this, has had incredibly bad luck in the gambling stakes and I’ve lost count of how many packs we’ve bought now.

The holding of disappointment peaked last week when actually the shop we were in didn’t have the small packs, but instead a box of them!! I caved a bought one, (aware of the money and consumerism thoughts that were popping up) thinking surely out of 6 packets there would be the winning card. I felt like Charlie opening the wonka bars to reveal the golden ticket.

It was big. No Swans card for Mr 7. I was gutted for him, as he expressed his upset.

My heart was right there with him, even as he kicked into the back of the seat with full force.

It can feel so big in our bodies holding our kids through their big feelings. I totally get the desire to make that feeling go away for them. I often get caught up in my head in these moments,

What should I be saying? How should I hold this space? Is this a teachable moment? Thoughts of his brother, if he’s present. Usually there is lots pumping through my body and mind.

But I know all that really matters and what I believe makes the most impact, is my presence.Even in the moments that I can’t be with it. Where I might distract and offer him something else instead, knowing that those feelings will surface again, and at which point I will be in a different state and perhaps more able to hold it then.

Now you may not resonate with the footy card craze in your home, but perhaps you can identify with the big feelings and the rise in your body of “how am I going to hold this?”

I trust you and the relationship you are so beautifully co-creating with your child.

There is a reason they chose you.

So I know you have absolutely everything you need inside to guide them through, imperfectly and lovingly.

With love and connection,

Emily xxx

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