When your child is hurting, before you rush in to fix it... Try this instead!
- Emily Bagaric
- Apr 6
- 2 min read
Somehow we’ve already found ourselves in April and I wonder how you're feeling?
About the year and the change in season?
Lately I’ve been having some big, beautiful conversations with clients and other parent friends. I thought I'd pop in here to riff on them a little bit more because if you have children of any age, this will either be relevant now, or in the near future.
One question I’ve received recently is "How do you navigate friendship upset in your child’s world? For example, a mean kid displaying bullying behaviour at school, on the bus, or in their sporting activity."
Having spent many years working alongside children and families, I’m really curious about how weu go about guiding our kids (and ourselves) through relationship upset.
As adults, relating with other humans is very much a part of our day to day lives. Siblings, friends, colleagues, workplace relations... it impacts us all.
So when it comes to our kids, we play a pivotal role in modelling how we share and guide them through the sometimes tumultuous field of friendships and relating to others.
It can be really tricky to navigate if the relationship upset is happening away from us - which for the most part will be the case. It might be your child retelling their day at school or an interaction they had where you were not present and it can absolutely bring up feelings for us as parents.
I'd love to know if any of the following are your default approaches:
➡️Tell a teacher or adult?
➡️Say something back and stand up for yourself?
➡️ Ignore them and find someone else to play with?
If so, I’d love to offer you an alternative approach to consider. Not as a remedy or solution to the problem and not as the absolute right and/or best approach for you to take , but simply a curious invitation for you to sit and consider how it feels for you and your family system.
💛 Check in with yourself first (What's coming up for you, do you have similar memories of interactions as a child? Can you be with that for a minute or come back to it later?)
💛Stay curious in your response to your child, “I wonder what Katie/Brian might have been feeling when she/he said/did that to you?" Not condoning what they did, but offering your child the opportunity to consider the other human in the interaction.
💛 Stay open “Can you tell me more?” If they're willing to keep the dialogue going, this will help them feel heard and seen.
💛Validate what they might be feeling “That must of felt really lonely, hurtful, upsetting”
💛 Offer a practical tool for your child to take away. Karen Young’s force field video (you can watch this with your child)
I get it, popping it here in a few dot points makes it sound a little more simple than the actual reality of it and I believe the hardest part is the first one...
What’s coming up for you?
It can be challenging to stay grounded and steady in the face of our child’s hurt and pain. We naturally want to take that pain away. But ultimately that's not supporting them in being able to navigate these upsets (a normal and expected part of life) in healthy and supportive ways, now or into their future.
I’d love to know how this lands?
Does it resonate or has it brought up anything for you? If so, I'd love to support you through it. You can book a free 15 minute connection call here
With love and connection,
Emily xxx
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